Mordor Crows

Stadium: Minas Morgul Place
Player/Coach: Sauron
Colors: Black and Grey
Theme song: The Black Rider
Concessions: Vitality Drink, Roast flesh
Marketing slogan: Rule them all!

Mordor Crows logoCaptain: Sauron
Big Main: “Witch-King” Angmar
Offense: Gollum
Defense: Shelob
Utility: Gorbag
(U, C) Saruman
(O, BM) Balrog
(D, U) Grishnak

11 thoughts on “Mordor Crows

  1. As if subjugating Middle Earth weren’t enough for this chain-gang, now they’ve got their sights set on the FSL. If the words “Big” and “Britches” come to mind, then you’re probably thinking of the Mordor Crows. This perennial favorite has fans screaming for a repeat of previous winning seasons. A giant among giants, the Crows are poised for yet another trouncing of the Western Division. This indomitable, soul-shattering line-up has never been stronger, and with the addition of Gollum to their starting five, the West just can’t help but hold their collective breaths when the Crows come to town. Look out FSL, Mordor is on the march.

    It’s no wonder they call Morgoth, the “Dark Foe of the World.” His drive to prove his own genius, and his iron will, forge and focus his team’s abilities. He wants to win at almost any cost, and his bevy of tricks and tactics seems bottomless. A juggernaut in his own times on the field, now that he is calling the shots, there seems to be no end to the Crows’ ability to find a W.

    Leading the team on the field is Morgoth’s greatest pupil. They call Sauron the “Lord of the Rings” and it’s not hard to see why. With 17 rings already adorning his mantle, the “All-Seeing Eye” has an uncanny knack for perceiving the entire field at any given time. It’s almost like his brain is directly hard-wired to his coach’s. Sauron is implacable and has stood the test several times, never disappointing his fans. He’s seen other teams come and go. Several times they’ve tried to topple his empire, and never have they fully succeeded. Your only hope against this guy, is to try exploiting his tendency to focus on one situation exclusively. If micro-managing is his Achilles’ Heel, then you have to run some misdirection, or you’ll get beat 10 out of 10 times.

    Backing him up and providing that “intimidation” factor, we see Angmar. The Witch King has said himself (on numerous occasions) that no man can defeat him. With truculence that matches his talent in spades, it’s no wonder he has been so hard to bring down. Former Captain of the Minas Morgul Nazgul, Angmar knows how to inspire this team. A serious threat in the air or on the ground, you can’t get stuck in a slugging match with this guy. The Head Nazgul is the backbone of the offensive threat of this squad.

    The new-comer Gollum is as wily as they come. Throwing him into this lineup caused something of a stir in the off-season, but this little guy has big things to prove. Don’t think his late addition to this squad can’t cause a few fumbles. When not talking about how badly he wants that ring, he’s trying to prove what a bad-boy he really is. But Gollum is busy working on his prowess as an option player. Expect trickery and deception any time he’s on the field. He’d kill his own cousin to earn than all-important trinket.Never-the-less, expect some insane plays from this big star in a small package. Anywhere he is on the pitch, it’s a dangerous place to be for an opponent. Oftentimes you don’t even know he’s there until it’s already too late.

    The veritable web of defence created by Shelob is uncanny. Like a giant spider sitting in wait for her prey, once the play comes to her, she snaps up the opportunity. This mistress of denial, will deter even the staunchest offensive unit. Being a show-stopper comes naturally to her, and she’s not afraid to use a little intimidation to get the job done. Don’t step into her kitchen, because goose-eggs and donuts are her specialty, and the chef is in business, ladies and gentlemen.

    Gorbag might not be your poster-boy for a utility player, but his skill and ruthlessness more than make up for pretty-boy good looks. He can do just about everything, except make a mistake. Playing on the same field as Angmar can be a little nerve-wracking for anyone, but some previous history might color his effectiveness. Personal issues with Angmar have been greatly inflated in the media, though, according to a spokes-goblin for Gorbag, and he has given his assurances that he won’t be a distracting factor for anyone on or off the field Barring injury from a teammate, however, Gorbag will put the club in position to score, nearly every play.

    A deep bench puts the Crows in a favorable light amongst a host of dangerous contenders. Saruman is a wizard on the playing field. Years of experience and the vitality of someone half his age make this cagey old sorcerer a threat at any stage of the game. Don’t let Shagrat’s affection for bling confuse you. He is deadly in a clinch situation. And as always, the tough and ugly Grishnak seems to be a contender for MVP.

  2. wow that was big! ok, me and the guys havn’t seen{?} tonights show [ still @ the bar fightin’ bout shane and the dead walking wise] but i got ’em bettin’ a gentlemens bet AKA a buck. so keep it go’in guys and aski look into the sky i hear CROWS! CROWS! CROWS, jayne WHAT? SHUTUP! GO FSL YOU ROXXORS

  3. Seriously, all you Crows fans have to stop deluding yourself into thinking that you have a good team. Hell, the Canton Jaynes could be a championship team if they threw around as much money as the Crow’s owner does. Those trophies that Mordor has in their trophy case are bought and paid for, pure and simple.

    Seriously, there isn’t going to be any REAL competition in this league until there’s a salary cap invoked. Tell me I’m wrong!

  4. Really? Complaining about the salaries? No one is keeping them from spending the money. The small teams always complain about it, but they always pocket most of the broadcast cash they get and don’t spend it. Besides, are you going to tell Sauron what he can or can’t do?

    That said, the crows are beatable. Gollum has shown a tendency to fall out of the frying pan and into the fire when he goes on tilt. The defense is the league’s strongest, but Shelob is vulnerable to small quick attackers. Agmar is unstoppable on the field, but he has a weakness for the ladies, and that has cost him in the past.

  5. You know…salaries and records aside…the incident with Skywalker this week was just classless.

    You can’t argue with success, but I think Morgoth really needs to come out with a public apology for this. You don’t want to see this…

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